So… I’ve been out in the last year dating and I must say, alot has changed in 20 years. I’ve met many different people while out, at work, on facebook, Tinder, and POF. I even tried dating my soon to be ex-husband and you see where that got me..
I have yet to find anything worth the worry, I’ve been defeated, demeaned, assaulted, ghosted, and had my hopes raised a couple of times only to have them crushed in the end. You must have a thick skin, I really don’t. I take things to heart and wonder what the hell is wrong with ME!
I’m not in a rush to settle down but I miss companionship. Someone to talk to about anything and everything. There are some things us women don’t share with our girlfriends, believe it or not.
So in my journey I have come across “too good to be true” guy, “I’m gonna ask for your number right in front of my girl” guy, “I’m married.. but she don’t have to know” guy, “I’m so desperate for a relationship I’m all in after a movie” guy, “we’re on our 2nd official date and I will follow some dude in the bathroom cause he looked at you too long” guy, “I love you, but I can only admit it when I’m “drunk”(this I like to call Patrick syndrome) guy , “I’m stuck on my previous gf but I’ve wanted to be with YOU for years”guy, “I will get butthurt if you don’t answer me right away” guy, multiple unsolicited dick pics later (why do men do this?), the list goes on and that’s just the highlights.
I reflect alot over the weekends and into the wee hours of the morning. Just this weekend someone sent me an unsolicited pic and when I explained that I didn’t want that, all of a sudden he says.. “You’re not that attractive anyway and you look like you used to be really fat but kinda still are (hahhaha) and you have ugly legs and knees” Well buddy, either you’re super easy or you liked this ugly former/current fat girl with ugly knees and legs enough to strike up conversation. Hmmm… yea it stung, I won’t lie. I am the best at picking out my own imperfections. Thanks for the help, dickhead.
I’ve had relationship conversations with a few different people in the last month or so and what keeps popping up is a line from “The Perks of being a Wallflower”. I love this movie. The line is, “we accept the love we think we deserve”. A light bulb goes off and I think about it. It is absolutely right. I have a tendency to chase the ones that don’t want me and push away the ones that do. Am I too picky? Absolutely not. I think it all falls back on deep down, for some stupid non-sensicle (did I just make that word up) reason, I don’t feel I deserve to be happy? Or… maybe deep down, I don’t really want to be tied down? If that’s the case, why do I long for companionship? I know my worth, but I’m tired and maybe I’m too old to date. Now taking applications for “Sugar papas” that don’t want no sugar! Dating is like Forrest Gump’s moms analogy, it’s a box of chocolates, you really never know what you’re gonna get. For now, I’m holding out for something real and true. If that’s still out there.
Until next time,
One day at a time, Rising Phoenix, real Winner of Tidewater, and always crazy, Jen