I work 3 jobs. One of which at a local gym. It’s not great work but I like it (most days). This evening, (actually earlier in the week but I am lazy and never finished this post. I came across one of the most physically beautiful but ugly person I’ve ever seen. This woman was walking on a treadmill and giving a disgusted look to an overweight woman working out on a leg machine in the aisle next to her. You could tell she was judging the other woman. I’m thinking to myself, regardless of how you feel about someone that’s overweight, why would you”stink-eye” an overweight woman who is working out at the gym.. just like you? When I see women and men like “leg machine lady” I get really excited. Why? Because they are in the gym working it and I don’t know if you remember this about me but I was once tipping the scales at almost 400lbs. I try to make eye contact with them and smile because I want them to feel good about themselves without making a scene. I remember how hard it was for me to come to the gym or Zumba classes at 350lbs. I felt like people would treat me like “treadmill bitch” and laugh and ridicule me for showing up. This is why seeing people that are where I used to be at the gym makes me so happy! I am not perfect by any means and have learned through experience and observation that even those “perfect, hard bodies” have extreme self image issues. I have walked in on conversation between women who work out regularly and look fantastic talk about how “fat” they are. Part of me wants to slap some sense into them but I get it. I will always struggle with self image, but I am coming closer to acceptance and have recognized the reality that my idea of what I should be just plain isn’t realistic. My body is scarred, worn out, stretched, and hung up wet. I’m dealing the best I can with what I left myself to work with, plus is.. I feel better than ever physically and I will take that even with my loose, marked up skin.
I read facebook like the daily news multiple times a day and some stuff gets to me. Like the chicks that post about how “thirsty” men are and they don’t want that attention but you are posting pics of yourself with your boobs hanging out for all to see!!! What the “fork” is wrong with you? What do you expect to get from doing that? Ugh!!!
A friend of mine recently divorced and has a problem with the fact that her husband left her for another woman. All the while, she’d been cheating on him through their entire relationship. Why is that ok for you, but not him??? Where is your brain?
I’ve had “friends” judge me for things I’ve done all while they were out there doing things worse than me?? I’ve been around the block and I know alot more than I let on. I always have and I will let you continue to make an ass of yourself to help you save face but don’t think you have EVER had me fooled. Empaths can spot a lie a mile away, we just don’t always let on that we know OR I second guess myself because I don’t want to believe you lied to me. I take honesty seriously. I can’t lie, it conflicts my very being and I feel guilty so if I try, I end up telling on myself anyway. Truth always comes out in the end. Why try to hide it?(but thanks for thinking I’m stupid)
Annual workshop for back to school was last week. I’m excited and terrified all at the same time. New paperwork, ordering guidelines, procedure makes my head spin but it will all be ok. I got some new toys for work I got to put together Friday. Workshop was entertaining hanging out with another manager friend or two and making another one that I am pretty sure didn’t like me giggle and laugh cause I can make things entertaining. Not everyone is cool enough to recognize a unique and awesome soul like mine right away.
And.. I have moved, it’s been barely more than a week. My kids have come to stay with me a few times so far and I’ve had a few solo nights. It’s weird and different but good. The apartment model is next door so I have the best entrance way, carpeted and blanketed with flowers and bushes. I feel like royalty walking the carpet to my door each day.. yes, I’m lame! It’s a small 2 bedroom apartment but it’s all I really need. The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades!(if you sang that last line, we could be best friends)
We took a personality test at workshop last week and before we even started, I told my friend.. mine is going to be off the charts because there is no explanation for me. It was a bunch of questions with 2 possible answers for each question and based upon those answers, you were supposed to fall into 1 of 4 categories. Mine was so close.. I got 12 maches for 2 categories, 11 for rhe 3rd and 13 for the 4th.. so pretty much that tells me.. I’m a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get! Hahaha
I know I’m leaving stuff out because I’m scatter-brained right now and I have a headache but this is as close 5yo caught up as I can be right now.
Until next time,
Your rising Phoenix, Winner for life, super big ball of awesome, Jen